Slow Down

Life has been pretty freaking crazy this past year. The moment after graduating college and being thrown out into the real world is just as confusing as everyone says. Everyone's in a different stage of their life at this point. Some are working full time while others are struggling to find a job. Some are getting engaged or having children, while others are still blacking out every weekend. And some are moving out on their own, while others are still living with their parents. Its honestly difficult not to feel lost because no one is on the same page anymore and we are constantly comparing ourselves to where everyone else is at.

Personally, I have been the most stressed I have ever been my whole life this past year. It may not be much, but it's enough for me to notice. I graduated college and was lucky enough to get offered a full time position at my first job interview. Exciting right? Except now all I can think about is how much money I’m not making, my student loans, grad school, and when I'm ever going to move out of my home. My situation is not horrible, however there are so many other people feeling the same way as me. A few months ago, I was wishing for everything I have now, but instead of enjoying it, I’m stressing the damn future.

So, this is where I’m at.
Although every single one of us is living a different life currently, I think we can all relate to the advice I’m about to give. I’ve been doing a lot of self-discovery and what not the past few months. I’ve always been pretty self-aware so I know when I’m feeling off and I take the time to really figure out what's causing my change of emotion and how to either fix or embrace it.
The conclusion I’ve come to about this post grad stress: we all need to slow the fuck down.
We need to stop rushing our futures and enjoy the moment. Here's how:

Get the hell off social media. Seriously, log out for a day or even a few hours. Nothing on social media is reality. Everyone is portraying the best side of themselves and you’re stuck on the other end comparing your lowest self to someone else's highest. The person who just got engaged isn’t happy in their relationship. The old high school friend who just moved to another state has anxiety about being on their own. The girl drinking way too many mimosas in some tropical place is depressed and could barely make it out of bed this morning. All those fitness models that you starve yourself to look like may be in shape, but they also edit their waists in, blur the cellulite out, and pose in such unnatural ways. Social media is a false portrayal of life so take a break. Once a month I try to log out for a few days or even set screen time limits for a few hours. Try it and see how much better you feel.

Realize how much you have already accomplished. Sit down and take the time to think. Write a list of what you’ve overcome and look at it every time you feel like you’ve gotten nowhere. Have you graduated college? Got a job? Committed to a new workout routine? Moved on from a break up? Read a new book? Any accomplishment no matter how small or big. At one point, you never thought you'd be where you are now, but you made it. You cut coffee out of your diet. You moved out of your home. You overcame your anxiety and tried something new. Don’t feel like just because you didn’t accomplish some life altering thing that you don’t matter. Be proud of yourself and recognize that you will only continue to accomplish more as time goes on. Celebrate the little victories while you keep working towards those bigger goals.

Please, please, please practice self-care. We get so caught up in what we feel like we are supposed to be doing, that we forget to do the things we enjoy. I get it, it's difficult to schedule time for yourself when you’re working full time, going to school, and trying to get basic errands done. But you need to. The laundry can wait another day and you can finish that essay tomorrow. Even if it's just a 10 minute meditation or journaling for a few minutes. You need this time. Find what makes you happy. We all have something in us that brings out that excitement, most of the time we just bury it deep in us because we don’t see it as a priority. But it is. Paint, exercise, cook, play basketball, take a walk, write. Schedule time for yourself once a week for as long as you can. Treat it as a priority, just like a doctor's appointment or studying. Physically schedule this time on your calendar and don’t skip it. Force yourself to live in the moment.

Stop repressing your damn emotions. You know you’re doing it, we all do to some extent. Feel your sadness, your anger, your stress. Feel all the ugly things you're trying to hide. You can’t overcome these emotions if you don’t take the time to recognize them. The biggest truth for me to face recently is that not everything in life can be twisted into a positive. I used to be a huge advocate for there's a positive in every negative but fuck that. My mom died two years ago and there was no way I could stick to that. I tried to, for a year I buried my grief somewhere and never addressed it. I stayed happy and I amazed people with how well I was doing. You know where I ended up a year after? Therapy. You can’t pretend these emotions don’t exist. The only way I overcame my grief was to feel every freaking emotion it threw at me. I cried, I was angry, I was confused. It sucked but life sucks sometimes. There's a difference between wallowing in every negative thing that happens to you and recognizing something sucks and then picking yourself back up. You got to recognize that difference and it takes some real self-awareness to do so.

These things are hard to do. As easy as they may sound, you’ll be faced with a brick wall to knock down when you try. You can’t let that discourage you. We have been taught that at a certain age in our lives we need to have accomplished something. We are constantly busy and looking for the future. This isn’t the way to live. Years from now it won’t matter. Sure, maybe you’ll feel successful based off the money you have thanks to all the times you woke up early to get to the office or how in shape you are from spending hours a day at the gym, but did you really live? Are you really going to feel content when your happiness is based on materials and status? Probably not. You’re going to feel that happiness when you think of all the places you traveled to, all the Sunday night dinners with your family, all the times you’ve created something or performed. Those moments are the ones that are going to have your heart feeling the fullest when your time comes to an end. So yes, keep working and going to school or whatever it is you're doing, but remember it’s not a race. You have time to get to where you want to be. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up on an even better path. Just slow down, take care of yourself, and appreciate where you’re at.